One step at a time...

The to-do list for resolutions looks very long and not a whole lot has been checked off. It's discouraging to want to change, but not seem to be able to. Yesterday was a good example as well. I found myself very tired and upset by lots of different events but I forgot all the good things that I know to do in those situations. I felt like I was too tired to breathe or go into the meditation room to sit, yet those things are the medicine for what ails me.

One of the things that made me upset was learning more about the retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh that took place near Memphis last August. I heard about the retreat after we just got back from Boston, and I didn't feel that I could take more time to go. But in checking with their website, they had pictures and a write up showing that it was a much smaller group there than in Boston, and I felt rather cheated. The Boston retreat wasn't as peaceful as the last one we attended. The folks at the Boston retreat were overwhelmingly not Buddhist, while the folks in Memphis were Buddhist and lots of Vietnamese attended as well. At the Boston retreat, it was a challenge to get folks to get into the spirit of what the retreat was supposed to be about.

Now, I do realize that the Boston retreat isn't really supposed to be a Buddhist retreat and that Thây wants everyone to learn about mindfulness practices. For me, though, it would have been very helpful to attend a retreat with fewer people and people who really want to learn from Thây, not just be able to say "I've studied with Thich Nhat Hanh".

When I got home, Matt offered that we should go into the meditation room, but I declined thinking it was too late. I should have made a bee line for the meditation room. If I want to learn from Thây, I need to remember that he is already teaching me and supporting me in what I need most - practicing mindfulness. If I would benefit from a retreat with Thây, I have to remember that I have that ability right now. I have my meditation room, I have a CD player and plenty of CDs with Dharma talks. There's no reason why I can't have mini-retreats every weekend.

I have been attending temple nearly every week, the kitchen is coming along, and I'm recognizing the things that are most important, so those are good things.

Stay away from the chocolate, and no one will get hurt...

I can pretty much stay on cooling foods until the chocolate comes out. Today as a treat after our general staff meeting, we broke out the chocolate fountain and had fresh fruit to dip into it. We all have chocolate stains, but we're going back to work happy. :)

Messages from the past...

Several months ago I heard about "Future Me" went to the site and sent myself a message. I had forgotten all about it by this morning, but there in my inbox was a message from the past. The Subject line was "New Years Resolutions" and it said:

"Dear FutureMe, If you haven't been perfect keeping your New Year's Resolutions - it is a long list, afterall - DO NOT use that as an excuse to stop trying or wait for a new month, new year, new lifetime, etc. Love,me"

Good advice, especially since I've been wondering recently if it's possible to change and do better. At any rate, I did take the stairs this morning instead of the elevator, so that's a step in the right direction. :)

Want a message from the past? Go to http://www.futureme.org

Morning People are Evil!

One of the most exasperating thing about the search for spirituality is the conviction of some folks that to be spiritual one must also be: an early riser, clutter free, skinny, eat only tofu, and have experiences in the rarified air of the higher realms! I read an articile once that declared that you can't be spiritual unless you get up early in the morning to meditate. Most annoying to someone like me who is NOT a morning person!

On the other hand, I also have to look at my stubborn-ness about some of that. It seems like it shouldn't matter if one's house is cluttered and other activities take presidence over housekeeping. Afterall, shouldn't it be more important to experience life instead of chasing dust bunnies? Well, yes... and no.

I'm not a student of feng shui and I'm not sure I'm totally on board with all the ideas of it, but in reading some materials recently, I do have to agree that some of the dis-ease I've been feeling has a direct relationship with the clutter and lack of care I've been giving my house. I've belly-ached and whined about it but have yet to do a whole heck of a lot to fix this, though.

Yesterday, I was home sick after a terrible night. I was up early and rested on the couch, then went back to bed until after noon time. After noon, though, I did get dressed and worked on the pool which had gotten quite green. Funny enough, a very large frog had taken up residence in the pool and was chilling out in the leaf trap! When I emptied it, he jumped across my legs scaring both of us! He swam across the pool then took a nose dive into the leaves. I was able to scoop the leaves and him out of the bottom before putting in the chlorine, so hopefully he's found a more hospitable home. Within a short time, the pool started to change colors, and I felt a nice sense of accomplishment.

I tidied up the living room and worked on the kitchen a bit, and genuinely did feel better about things. I've been wanting to do more of my art - creating mandalas and the like - and I really need space for that. The lower living room really can be perfect for that, but not in it's current state. If I can take a few days off here soon, I'm hoping to make some headway on all this. The to-do list feels overwhelming, but I do realize that if I approach it step by step, I really can do this.

Just don't ask me to get up too early! ;-)

Stuffing them into cannons and shooting for distance!

Well the cats are at it again, and woke me up at 3:30 am running pell mell through the house! I'm so sleep deprived anyway (I'm not sure, but I may have sleep apnea, affectionately known as "a touch of the apnea") but to be awoken in the middle of the night is just painful. And such a vicious cycle - I'm so tired it's hard to exercise, yet it's exercise that will help me loose weight and have more energy and, hope against hope, sleep better.

My schedule is changing, so there will be more time in the evening to work on this - baby steps, I guess.

Happy Birthday, Chris!

Chris' birthday was Saturday, but we celebrated on Sunday. I made him a Zim house cake! I'll put a picture up later, but it turned out really cute. I put two pound cakes together, made the architectural details from royal icing, then made strawberry cupcakes and iced them to look like rubber piggies. I think I got the JV eyes really well.

Next, I want to make shark cupcakes - I think I'll use red velvet cake for the cupcakes, then ice them with white buttercream using a spatula to spike up "waves", airbrush the waves with blue food color, and make gray shark fins from royal icing. Matt can take them pin trading. ;)

At any rate, I'm doing well with the cooling diet except for too much sugar from the cake project.

The thing I really have to buckle down on is exercise! I'm still not doing any! But the newest resolution is that now that our boss has lowered the boom on everyone needing to show up at 8am, I'll be leaving right at 5 pm. That will give me more time in the evening to take a walk, do a tape, or the treadmill. While I truely hate to get in shape, I actually love staying in shape. I enjoy doing the routines, walking, etc. when I can do a decent amount comfortably and when pushing feels like advancing. When I feel like lying down after 3 minutes on the treadmill, it's hard not to think "What's the use??" Time to snap out of that kind of thinking!

Time is NOT on my side...

*sigh*

I'm actually still in pretty good shape with eating cooling foods and avoiding warming ones, but time seems to be the enemy still. I'm sitting here without my lunch box because I ran out of time this morning. A new directive from work means I have to be here at 8 am instead of my arrangement of 8:30 to 9 am to 6 pm. This is going to be hard on both Matt and I, since getting both of us up and ready takes awhile. Guess among the new habits I'm trying to cultivate will be preparing things the night before instead of in the morning.

I can do this, I just need to figure out how...

Take care of your feet, and they'll take care of you

One of the interesting things about being on a cooling plan is that I'm supposed to be bringing the energy from my head to my feet. Certainly a challenge for someone who is on the computer all day! To that end, I'm trying to take more walks, take better care of my feet, and I got a foot massager for Christmas. I really love it, especially on a day like today since it has a heating element as well.

It's also good to take care of my feet, since we go barefoot in temple, and I don't want anyone to be grossed out by the callouses on my feet when I kneel!

Developing Good Habits

In changing the pallate from the ever-present warming foods to cooling ones, I have certain foods that I like a lot and have no trouble encorporating into my diet, but other foods not so much. While I don't actively dislike them, I'm just not used to them. Cucumbers are really good for me and I don't hate them, but I'm not a big fan. The way I'm working to change my tastes is to eat more mindfully. When I contemplate my food - the interconnectedness of the earth, the sun, the clouds, the people who brought the food to my table, I appreciate it more. When I chew each bite thoroughly and really experience it, not just superficially but really getting to know the texture, flavors and nuances, I enjoy it more.

One of the things I notice as well is when I pay attention to the energy of the food, I can feel the positive effects of the cooling foods or the ones that support my lungs, just as I'm far more aware of the negative effects of warming foods. I'm also enjoying smelling foods too, and bringing the scents of cooling foods into the house. Burning a cucumber melon candle, using cucumber lotion, and I saw a pear fragranced candle that I want to get for the office as well, helps embue my environment with the cooling components. When I smell cucumber, for instance, think about the positive effects it has on my health, and bring associations with the smell of it being crisp, clean, healthful, and renewing.

Master Sunim talks about that people with my natal chart are "thirsty", because we have so much hot, dry energy, we need the more cool, wet energy to balance us. Even spiritually, I feel thirsty. I'm finding that spending more time in the meditation room is a big help. Even when it's just for a few minutes, I feel more refreshed than if I (my very bad habit) sit and space out in front of the TV. Often times, I really can't follow my breath, but during those times I can chant "Nam mo Adida Phat" or "Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate. Bodhisvaha!" and that helps me center myself.

Lots of things on the to-do list of self-improvement, but so far, so good.

Yum!

One of the things that is the most daunting about staying on the cooling diet is that nothing bought commerically is free from garlic, onion, and or sugar! I was so frustrated by this until I read an article in Martha Stewart Living about flavor bases. Not being a cook, I didn't know anything about this concept, but the article was very helpful in understanding that each country, even region, has it's own take on the "base" of flavors that make food taste good. In other words, when you chop up those onions, garlic gloves, and celery and saute them in butter or olive oil, etc. you're creating a base of flavors that the other foods will enhance! Pretty cool to know!

Seems like the American flavor base is onion, garlic, sugar, and tomato - basically catsup.

At any rate, I've been doubting my ability to make the basics that I'll need - things like salad dressing, salsa, and other sauces. But I actually created my first recipe yesterday - and it tastes great.

Blue Cheese Dressing

4 oz Blue Cheese
1 ½ C Mayo
½ C Buttermilk
2 Tbls Sour Cream
½ tsp Salt

Whisk these together in a bowl, then pour into a jar for storage. Refrigerate overnight for best flavor. Serve over fresh greens or use for a sandwich spread.

Next is to make a black bean salsa. :)

Learning my lesson

Well, too much spicey food leads to a stomach ache! I guess if I doubted the value of my cooling diet before, I don't now! Today I'll need to go to the grocery store to get ingredients for salad dressing for salads to take to work the rest of the week, and this afternoon, I'll make some barley ahead so I can microwave a bowl for breakfast tomorrow. For now, mint tea is very soothing to the tummy.

Re-Educating the palate

The most challenging thing about the cooling diet is re-educating the palate. I'm used to the American flavor base of onion, garlic, tomato, and sugar (basically catsup). I've got to figure out how to create a cooling flavor base.

Different grains, herbs, spices, and flavorings need to be added to my diet. Fortunately, I do like the majority of foods that I'm supposed to be eating. The bad thing, though, is that there are nearly no prepared foods that I can have. I'm going to have to learn how to make everything from scratch!

Plain yogurt with "simply fruit" strawberry jam was good as a snack this morning, though. :)

How I Lost 100 Pounds and Became Enlightened...

How's that for a book title? I usually don't do New Year's Resolutions, but if I'm going to make one, I want to go for the gusto!

Seriously, though, what I do want to chronical is my desire to follow the eating and lifestyle advice of my natal chart - what I affectionately call the "cooling diet". When I first had my chart done by Master Hyunoong Sunim a Zen and Taoist monk, I tried following the diet, but even though I felt really great while I did, it became too hard to stick with.

At this point in my life, though, I'm seriously out of shape and over weight. When I reread the chart that Master Sunim did for me, I was struck by the comment that he made that he could only imagine how the typical diet that I was following had harmed my health. I need to consider myself as newly diagnosed, and consider following the recommendations as life saving - and I believe that they are!

It will help, I think to journal this process and have this help me track my progress and keep me on track! Linking to food resources, recipies, motivational sites, and the like will be helpful additions to the cookbook I'm putting together on paper. Perhaps someday I can have all these resources online for other folks trying to live the "cooling diet" lifestyle as well.